She Is Me

After M2 basically declared his love for me on Saturday night, I decided that a frank admission of my own had become necessary. Something absolutely had to be done to restore order.

To the untrained ear, unfortunately, what came out of my mouth sounded suspiciously and undelicately like "Dude, you're totally freaking me out."

Now, there is more sensitive and supportive language that I could have chosen in that moment, I realize, but if I'm committed to just one thing with M2, its brutal honesty, no matter the consequence. I'd much prefer to see a relationship...any relationship...go down in flames because I was perhaps too candid in expressing my feelings than for the same outcome to eventually transpire...but minus the honesty part. As they say...been there, done that.

To my delight, since my announcement, as harsh as it may have been, M2 has been a very, very good boy. Laying low. Giving me space. Not asking for plans, but being appropriately responsive and enthusiastic (but not too much so) when *I* do. Not saying stuff that scares me. Not (at least outwardly) obsessing and/or moping about my departure tomorrow for 10+ days to visit dear friends and family back east.

And while I'm rather disgusted to admit this...because owning up to it completely renders me That Girl Who Likes The Boy Way Better When He Pretends That He's Not That Into Her...

Its totally working.

The scales officially tipped back in M2's favor last night. He came over bearing carry-out Thai and a crapload of work that he had to finish before we could settle in for the evening. Neither were a surprise (though, admittedly, I was actually counting on and far more in the mood for greasy Chinese). Rather unexpected, however, was just how totally appealing the whole working-at-my-house exercise was to witness from the sidelines.

When M2 is with me, he's extremely reserved, introspective, almost docile at times. Yet during the day, he's a very successful business owner with like a dozen employees and kick-ass office space who wears ties and stuff. Finally seeing him in this context last night (though minus the formal attire), juggling his Sidekick and laptop, with a stack of paperwork precariously fanned out on my super-stylish but not exactly spacious couch...taking calls from clients...IM'ing...and just generally being a Tall Businessman With Shit That Had To Get Done...it was pretty damn hot.

As was not being the center of attention for the first time.

God, I am so *that girl*.