ISTJ

Z made first contact in early June. I was on probably Week #2 or #3 of my online dating journey but was already firmly ensconced in Whatever It Was That C and I Were Doing. So, although Z actually seemed smart and articulate and frankly rather hilarious, I was thoroughly uninterested.

A few months later, with the leaves now beginning to turn, C and I on one of our countless hiatuses, and my online dating landscape littered with the specters of myriad other examples why I should have cancelled my online dating site's subscription (or embraced lesbianism) months earlier, I had developed a decidedly different perspective. Z accepted my profuse apologies for denying his initial springtime advances, and we embarked upon an entertaining back-and-forth for a couple of days. But nothing ever came of it.

Z dons earrings in both ears and displays one of those confusing soul patch things, has 105 myspace friends, claims to possess half-Judaic east coast bloodlines, employs frequent over-use of the caps lock function, equally loves The Smiths, Ice Cube and ABBA, sleeps on the floor, supposedly rocks at Boggle, would "rather grate his face off" than watch television (admittedly, this may be a problem), and has an uncanny knack for making me laugh. Overwhelming electronic and cellular evidence also suggests that Z quite possibly suffers from a potential-relationship-crippling case of A.D.D.

Confirmation will be had at 5:15pm this evening.

Z will be my first date since I started seeing M2. And, just between us girls and my infrequent gay male readership, I feel like shit about it.

But not shitty enough to not go.

M2 and I haven't yet had the "should we be exclusive?" confab. Frankly, we don't need to. His intentions and desires are obvious. For god's sake, the man bought me a toaster and microwave this week. (By the by, lest my receipt of said holiday-time gifts result in any confusion, its been explained that neither qualify as an official Christmas present. They're just two of life's simple joys that I was lacking. Ergo, I now own both.)

So, tonight I will meet Z for a beer (singular). And he'll probably make me laugh enough that I'll want to see him again. Then I'll go home and do Carmen Electra's stripper workout because I let my gym membership lapse. And then I'll toast or reheat something for dinner. Then M2 will come over and he'll be sweet as always and he'll stroke my hair while we sit on the couch and he'll probably even walk in the door bearing wine and/or flowers and/or carry-out, none of which he's done for a couple of weeks now, just because he'd have no clue that doing so would inflict further emotional trauma upon my already guilty conscience and, the way I see it, that virtually guarantees its gonna happen.

And then I'll lay in bed after he's fallen asleep and try to decipher what I'm feeling and why. And I'll fail miserably.

I don't think I want to be exclusive with M2. At least not right now. But I'm not sure. And even worse? I'm not sure why I'm not sure.

As my Myers-Briggs type would strongly attest, I'm a big fan of the informed decision. I eternally struggle to understand how one could possibly live a full and robust existence without routinely employing the guiding principles of logic, analysis and reason to inform even the most simple of life choices. So, with that philosophy in mind, I ask: If I don't want to be M2's girlfriend now, with a month of dating in the proverbial bag (and two appliances to show for it), will I ever? And if I don't want to be his girlfriend now, armed with the knowledge that the guy pretty much wants to marry me someday, should I be his *anything*? Is it fair to him? Is it fair to me?

(Should I just shut the fuck up?)

I'm not wired for this kind of crap.