Ice, Ice Baby
Deeply and profoundly troubled by M3's weekend admission that he's struggling with emotional fallout from his breakup and it's (surprise!) getting in the way of his feelings for me, I turned to an old, dear and brilliant pal who, in nine years of friendship, has never failed me even once in the "I'm gonna give it to you straight even if it sucks so don't argue with me because you know I love you " advice-giving department.
When presented with the news that M3 was having serious regrets and doubts about the breakup, yet still was somehow maintaining that *our* potential was "limitless," said friend chose to invoke the oft-used, frequently-lamented-because-its-so-god-damn-true, and incredibly-versatile-in-so-many-life-scenarios analogy of The Hockey Player.
It goes a little something like this.
(P.S. Old, dear friend, you are hencewith invited and encouraged to utilize the comment feature to correct the inevitable bastardization of your brilliant analogy that's about to transpire.)
It doesn't matter how good of a hockey player a guy claims to be. Or how good of a hockey player others claim him to be. Until he's laced up the skates and can prove once and for all that he's a good hockey player, who the fuck cares, really?
Perhaps due in part to my newly-obtained grown-up status, it turns out I didn't actually need to wait for my brilliant friend to chime in before responding to M3. I knew exactly what to say. This was, is and will continue to be *his* shit to deal with. And deal with it he must. Without my counsel, without my advice, without my assistance navigating what is, yes, very confusing and difficult and hard, but through it all, remains *not my shit to deal with*.
M3 later admitted all on his very own that sharing his feelings about the girlfriend, regardless of how valid they might have been, was selfish and inconsiderate. And he regrets sending the email. And then he started talking about "us" again. The destined-to-happen, inevitable and burgeoning "us".
When you suspect that something might be worth waiting for, what follows is generally pretty simple: you wait. So why, just one week after M3 ditched the girlfriend, am I expecting to discover some loophole at the intersection of emotion and science where its rational and fair to expect that M3'd a) be capable of instantaneously shutting off of the emotions related to the demise of one relationship and b) concurrently open his heart, mind and soul so quickly to the possibility of another?
It positively makes my heart leap to know that M3 sees a future with me, it really does. Because despite how treacherous and dangerous as it may be to admit at this early stage, I'm pretty sure I see one with him, too.
And M3 can talk about the allegedly-inevitable "us" all he wants. But until he's got 100% of his head in the game, who the fuck cares, really?
Conjecture's not worth a damn on the ice. Or in relationships.
posted by smrtygrl @ 12:17 PM
3 Comments:
Brilliant pal here (comliments very much appreciated!) to give the full context of the hockey player analogy, which is based on a Aristotlian or Platonic philosphical theory:
There's a guy who is a brilliant hockey player. He breaks his leg. Is he still a good hockey player? Theoretically, sure--he still has the skills even though he can't put them to use. However, it is because he can't put them to use that one could argue--and I always do--that he is no longer a good hockey player.
In relative dating terms--put up or shut up. In crasser terms, shit or get off the pot. The bottom line is that it just doesn't matter what your emotions or intentions are if you can't act on anything.
If you break your leg, you just can't be any good on the ice.
P.S.
Please forgive the typo in my comment! Just so everyone knows I caught it...
Ahh yes, the hockey player analogy. Mutual brilliant friend has used this one with me before too and it just makes so much sense. What good is a boy who has feelings for you if he can't do anything with them? Remember in junior high when you found out a boy liked you, that was enough? You'd bask in that warm feeling for a few weeks. Well, we aren't in junior high anymore. A boy who has feelings for you is nice, but what good does it do you if he isn't, as Gigi might say, shitting on the pot? ;)
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