Heart Question Mark

So my newest fan was M3 after all and last night during our mid-week rendezvous at the Shilo Inn halfway between his house and mine we had a big emotional talk (he talking, me emotional) and now we're in this new and different place and its totally good but there was some serious ass gravity to how we got there which was scary and hard and will remain scary and hard because when something's the real deal everything suddenly stops being light and breezy and decisions are made and declarations are put out there which generally means sometimes I'll cry a little bit and pretty much always means I'll lose any and all ability to verbalize my thoughts and especially my emotions even though I'm really really trying because he and us is so totally worth it and last night was really no different but I guess he still likes me anyway for reasons that are truly beyond me and most of the universe searches for precisely what we suspect we might have stumbled upon and they never ever find it and so now we're allegedly not seeing other people which isn't something I've wanted with anyone for ten years and holy crap I'm really inclined to say all sorts of other unbelievable-to-me shit about how I feel about him but for the fact that he'll probably be reading this at some point tonight and even though I told him that my ability to creatively express my thoughts and feelings about him, me and us wouldn't be compromised if I knew he read my blog is like the biggest b.s. ever as it turns out and so maybe I'll just try saying directly to M3's face instead of wussing out and knowingly communicating with him through this very blog that somehow after one month of email + one month of boy-on-girl action I too could see us spending the rest of our lives together one day maybe and its terrifying to me too and I'm dead serious even though its about to sound like I'm making shit up when I say that every time our lips touched last night I thought the very same thing he told me he was thinking every time our lips touched and that's precisely what I was trying to tell him when he kissed me goodbye in the shower this morning but on two separate occasions I couldn't get the words out.

(I think I just got the words out.)